Some Idiots Designed Some Body (Genital) Armor So You Could Cook Bacon In The Nude Hip-Hip-Hooray!
HuffPost – The product, developed by J&D’s Foods, is “constructed from a hard plastic shell covered with foam then enclosed in vinyl,” co-founder Justin Esch told HuffPost. “It truly is the gold standard of genital grease burn protection.”
He said he hopes the groin protector will also inspire those who do their sizzling with clothes on to take them off.
“We’re just opening the door,” he said. “With any luck you step through it because happiness is waiting on the other side.”
Esch and co-founder Dave Lefkow assure that the product is real. It has a real price tag, too: $14.99 plus shipping and handling.
But the two, who also developed Baconlube, thankfully treat the Naked Bacon Cooking Armor like a novelty. (Otherwise, we’d be worried.)
“Cooking and eating bacon naked has been said to be the equivalent of winning the lottery, scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl and neck-punching Justin Bieber all at once,” their press release states.
One of the developers knows your pain, nude bacon-cookers. Asked by HuffPost if he has had bacon grease splattered on his privates, Lefkow replied, “It’s not an experience I’ll ever forget.”
CONGRATULATIONS J&Ds! YOU DID IT! YOU FINALLY DID IT! You put your logo on a jockstrap and insisted that it’s safe to cook bacon in the nude. It’s not even safe to cook bacon in a t-shirt.. let alone cook it wearing nothing but a fucking cup. If I wanted to feel the hot sting of grease hitting everywhere but my male parts, I’d put a sock on my cock and call it a day.
I have long been waiting for such unique innovation. Don’t get me wrong, I love bacon.. I LoOoOovee bacon, earlier I had a donut with bacon on it, it was delicious.. but there is literally nothing worse than people who worship bacon.. walk around with stupid shirts like
Because guess what?
Stupid people who worship bacon are gonna be the ones who blindly buy this item.. they’re going to also be the ones with little tiny grease burns all over the bodies.