This Guy Who Made A Spreadsheet For His Wife Detailing His Sex-Life Dissatisfaction Can Play For Me Any Day
Reddit user throwwwwaway29 has a husband, and her husband is fed up. He is so fed up that this morning he sent her an email that contained the above spreadsheet, detailing all the times she has denied him sex over the course of the last month or so.
The wife explains:
Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.
Look man, every marriage is different when it comes to settling on an acceptable fucks-per-month quota. But it’s never a good idea to voice your displeasure at where that fucks-per-month number currently sits via a passive aggressive email and a spreadsheet detailing your wife’s alleged frigidity.
Good work italicizing all the yeses in there, though. We can almost hear the echos from you high-fiving yourself when you typed those in.
Ok, I’m torn here.. there are two sides to this story.. the spreadsheet move is absolutely hilarious.. Look, hun, if you’re going to blue ball me for a Friend’s re-run, you better expect a spreadsheet from me via email.. that’s the one and only play now.
The other side of the story, however, is that this guy decided to get married in the first place. If I know anything about marriage, it’s that sex is by no means a guarantee, it’s a luxury. You have sex once a month, fantastic!! So if you’re batting 3-27.. you’re probably actually doing really well for yourself. That’s what you got yourself into.
This guy though is the face of the Never Forget Movement. If you said, a month ago, that you were too sweaty and tired to mess around, and that you needed a shower.. well you better know that this guy is still fuming over the fact that you didn’t shower until the very next day.. just violently hammering out this spreadsheet.
I think the best part of this story is that he was basically like “Just so you know, I’m not going to miss you for the next 10 days, because my hand has been there for me more in the last month than you have.”
PS – If you send this too your wife and she posts it and it goes viral.. you’re the one that wins right?