This Girl Gets It.. Live Life Without The Shackles That Are “Labels”.. #Young&Wild&Free
J Rock The Boat –
Okay. So the last time that I had an actual “relationship” I was in high school. And let’s be real, we’ve all faced things since then that have changed us, matured us… Or perhaps immatured us… And relationships at our age are, well, almost impossible. So for those of you who are in between the ages of I don’t know 19 and 23? And are tackling the art of being in a monogamous, labeled relationship… You kids are unbelievable. Kudos to you and your significant other for taking that dangerous bite out of life and trusting your whole entire heart with another human being. I admire your bravery.
As for those of you who are drowning and lost in tendencies similar to my own, like, I don’t know… That clichéd fear of commitment, or the fear of disappointment or disappointing, or the simple fear of the possibility of another person figuring yourself out before even you do… Well, this blog is for you.
It’s so funny; my mom LOVES the movie The Notebook. Like she has it saved on our DVR and everything. So for those of you that have seen it, you’ll understand this reference: whenever I come home from college she’ll ask me, “so uuh Jordyn, have you found your Noah yet?” I’m just like “no mom. God. I’ve been single three years and you’re acting like I’ve joined a convent or something. Jesus.”
I’ve never actually thought that being single for this long could potentially be considered as “weird” or “questionable” but lately, I’ve been getting more and more inquiries about my love life… Granted it’s mostly from older family members that are living vicariously through the younger generation, and using me as a vehicle to do so. So I’m sorry for the constant disappointment when I respond with, “nope, kind of just focusing on school and work.” Which is probably more polite and appropriate than, “well, I’m kind of at a point where I want to have the option of waking up with whoever I want on Sunday morning.” Hah. Can you imagine the look on my great aunt Mimi’s face if I said that to her? Oh my god.
Anyways, these constant questions regarding whom I’m spending my time with made me feel like they think that because I haven’t had an actual boyfriend in almost four years, that something must be wrong with me. So naturally, I got all-paranoid for a hot second but then after a careful evaluation of the kind of person that I am at this point in my life. I have officially determined that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
I can’t stand when women sit on their couch with their friends and seriously ask, “why doesn’t he love me?” “Why am I not good enough for him??” Because
A. These women are usually beautiful and intelligent humans and
B. it takes every fiber of my being not to slap them right out their self-pity.
You want to know why he doesn’t “love” you?
Because he’s a 20 something year old kid. You can’t tame most 20 year old boys. And you know what… He might actually love you, and care about you… But the second that boy feels trapped, like his freedom has been stolen from him. Is the second he’s going to want out, or it’s the beginning of some serious resentment, stemming from you holding him back from pursuing other opportunities (i.e. Other women)
And it’s not even the physical fact/rule that he can only touch you, it’s the idea of restriction, being restricted, not even having the option of pursuing someone else.
And hey, maybe I’m just witnessing or indulging in the wrong men and maybe right now you’re thinking, “god this girl is cynical and bitter as fuck”
Well. You’re wrong.
The reason I don’t do monogamous relationships is not because my hearts been broken (though it has) or because I don’t want to break a heart (though I have) and it’s not because of some stupid past experience or break up. It’s because I, me, the GIRL doesn’t want to be tied down either.
Boys are doing it right my friends; they know how to do 20- something way better than we do. So if you’re feeling brave… Jump on the “I do what I want” train with me. It’s great.
Now, I’m not saying that if something incredible comes along, like you meet someone that makes you feel actual feelings, someone that generally just makes sense to you… That you should ignore it. In fact, you should do the exact opposite.
This is where it is okay to lose yourself in someone else. If you’re reading my blog, odds are you’re probably an awesome human being (weird brag I know) so take all of that awesomeness inside of you and show it to the person that makes sense… Because what’s better than that? That’s the best part about meeting someone; you get to show yourself off to them before they realize how weird you actually are.
I’ve learned that it’s ok to get close to people; it’s even ok to love those people. But putting a label on whatever it is that you are is a dangerous thing to do. Do it, by all means do it if you think it requires one. But as far as I can tell, labels at our age, they equal pressure. And people, especially men, don’t like that kind of pressure.
I’ve found that if you just let things happen without the label or the restrictions, it keeps the relationships that you have feel less like a job and more like your favorite place to be. And I have concluded that for now, that’s all that matters, that’s all that I want to matter.
If you make each other happy. Spend time together.
And it’s as simple as that.
At 20-something, opportunities start to happen. And quietly, without you really even noticing. Life sneaks up on these relationships and friendships that we build. And it knocks them over like a pile of Jenga blocks.. And then hides the pieces far, far away from each other.
This part of life. Change, well it leads to endings. And they’re endings that are never really anybody’s fault.. It’s simply life happening and doing what it does, pulling people apart… Because usually, people are meant for more than what they have in their early 20-something’s.
Ohmygod yes. Hits the nail on the head.. This girl fucking gets it. Most girls preach this shit and then turn around and ask you why you haven’t accepted their relationship request on Facebook.. Ladies, if you read through this and are still like “No, labels are good” there’s almost no helping you.. So I’m going to reiterate.. I’m going to give you a tip, a free tour of a guy’s thought process rather..
They’re driving us away..
Men, we want to believe that we are free even if we are not.. Just the illusion is fine.. Just as long as we can pretend we have our freedom, and can make ourselves believe we have our freedom.. We’re good. You don’t corner me into a relationship and I won’t fight my way out of it..
The second a girl says “why can’t we just actually date” or “I care about you so much” that’s when I start planning my exit strategy. That’s when shit gets real. That’s when I say “You don’t want that, silly, I’m too complicated” whatever the fuck that means.. We don’t want to hurt.. So we try to pull the bandaid off slowly over a long period of time until maybe we aren’t even talking anymore… Like a gradual decline in communication.. Because us men, we are young and wild and free. We can’t be caged! Not now! Not at the peak of our young lives! The world is our oyster, and we like to think of ourselves as rugged sexual nomads.
But if my Allie came around
I’d shut it down, you know. I’m a believer in love. I’ve been heart broken and slayed many hearts.. Neither of which feel any good at all. At the end of the day, love is just too complex a thing for a twenty something year-old male.. We like to go to the bar and be able to have our pick of the lot without any drama.
Any girl who can live life this same way is fine by me. They won’t have many regrets, trust me.
PS – If you don’t like The Notebook, you should probably go look at yourself in the mirror and ask “Am I capable of feelings?” Because it’s a classic and I cry every time Noah tells Allie that he wrote her letters everyday.. So beautiful. “What do you want Allie? Whatdoyawant!!?”