These Sofia Vergara/Tom Cruise Rumors Are Such A Mind Fuck

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Page Six – Sources close to newly single Sofía Vergara are laughing over a report claiming she’s run into the arms of former flame Tom Cruise.

“He’s lifted Sofia’s spirits,” a source reportedly told Woman’s Day after the “Modern Family” star split with Nick Loeb, adding, “She’s told Tom that he can take her out on a date. But … she wants to be wooed, and then some … There’s definitely a spark.”

But a friend of the actress who briefly romanced Cruise a decade ago sniffed, “They’re not going on any dates.”

First off, I had no idea they dated back in the day.. But she dated Cool Tom Cruise back then… not Science, Space Alien Battling, Billion year contract with the Church of Scientology Tom Cruise.

Like, the second I find out a celeb has ties to the Church of Scientology.. They’re automatically damaged goods in my mind.. Like if the Gos said “hey everybody.. I’ve decided that I’m going to wait for some space Messiah to descend from the heavens and then lead me into a future battle against aliens.. Because I’m a scientologist now..” I’d take his life-sized fathead poster off my wall.. It would take a lot to make me resign from Team Gos.. Scientology would be the only thing..

So when you find out that people like..

Tom Cruise

John Travolta

Will Smith.. Though he denies his ties.. Is definitely a scientologist.. Grow up

Like those guys are never the same.. Like the first two are just generally weird in the first place.. But come on Will, you’re better than that bro.

So when I hear that Sofia Vergara, one of the most beautiful women in the world, is probably going back to this tiny little weird man, who fucking jumped on Oprahs couch, and won’t come out of the closet.. It’s mind-fucking-boggling.. Don’t understand it, never will.. If this is true.. I can’t even..

Only possible answer to this is that he’s practicing mind-control, or he’s put her under some weird Scientology spell, or he’s paying her millions of dollars to pretend to be his girlfriend, like Katie Holmes.. Idk.

But you know, on the other hand.. If you’re Tom Cruise and you can land the likes of Sofia Vergara, I kind of have to respect you.. It hurts but I kind of have to pat you on the back. Probably not easy, she’s such a fireball!!

But these two don’t go together…

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