So I Took A “What Should Your Actual Name Be?” Buzzfeed Quiz.. Absolute Horseshit

I’m just going to break my answers down for you.. And you can be the judge.. I personally think I got fucking shanked with the outcome.. But here we go..
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Alright, which one of these things is “so me”… Well I went with sloths because sloths are incredibly funny, I could have gone with Starbucks because I love a good latte.. But I didn’t want a chick name..

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Have your hands glued inside puppets was the obvious choice.. What’s funnier than that? Masturbating with puppets? Nothing. But on second thought “transplanted gorilla hands” is more practical.. Should have gone with Gorilla hands..

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I’m a man who lives in realty.. “The dingo ate my baby” No.. Cut the shit.. The dingo probably ate garbage.. That’s probably more realistic.

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Maybe the kale salad with Dorito croutons and ice cream dessert was kind of a chick choice.. But I mean come on, I’m a man of reason, I’m not a fucking psychopath.. I’m not about to mix ice cream, kale and Doritos.. And I’m not about to pretend like I don’t know what kale is..

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Picked the regular nose.. I’m not a badger or a cow, or whatever the fuck noses are on there.. Plus that second picture with the stud.. That’s a dude’s nose right..?

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Classic elevator move.

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Would have gone with “DRAKE”.. But I want to be twitter famous.. Who doesn’t? Getting your handle tattooed on your forehead is the move

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I don’t get it.. Was I supposed to say Maleficent?

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Cinco De Mayo is first only to Opposite Day.. Like an excuse to drink margs all day or be able to your girlfriend she has a “whore mouth” (Opposite Day!)

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I don’t.. I don’t know how to say no.. Worst fault.

Drum roll….

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You seem like kind of a Chelsea? Seems like kind of an insult.. Chelsea, Buzzfeed? Fuck. Off. I answered all the right questions that should have named me something manly like “Chad” or “Troy” or “Brad” or “Matt”.. Chelsea?? Shank city, population me.

Does this guy look like a Chelsea?

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Nope.

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