Told Myself I Wasn’t Going To Obsess Over This Rocky Mountain Treasure BS, But I Think I Already Crossed That Bridge


Well I think it’s official, I think I caught the fever.. I heard it’s a slippery slope from here though, like you might start with something pretty simple like hunting for hidden treasure in the Rockies and then all of the sudden find yourself in Egypt raiding pharaohs tombs, or somewhere in the Middle East looking for the holy grail..

And I’ll tell you, “crazy treasure hunter” is not a good look.. One thing leads to another and before you know it you’ve been in your mom’s dark basement for 2 straight weeks, have grown a a grizzly beard.. And are obsessing over maps, and buying into conspiracy theories you’ve read online..

And I’m also not trying to go Nic Cage National Treasure on everybody’s ass either.

But back to Forrest Fenn’s Rocky Mountain Treasure.. Motherfucker wrote a poem.. Perfect ok.. 9 clues let’s go..

“As I have gone alone in there
(alright I think this is clue #1.. I’m thinking cave))
And with my treasures bold,

I can keep my secret where,

And hint of riches new and old.

Begin it where warm waters halt
(Clue #2 where the fuck do warm waters halt?)
And take it in the canyon down,
(Clue #3 he went down into a canyon.. I’m guessing that maybe he’s hidden his treasure in a cave on the shoreline of the Colorado River)
Not far, but too far to walk.
(Clue #4 definitely a rafting expedition, zeroing in on the Colorado somewhere)
Put in below the home of Brown.
(Clue #5 home of brown? Brown bear? Correct me if I’m wrong but we’re talking underneath a cave)
From there it’s no place for the meek,
(Clue #6 it’s not going to be an easy one)
The end is drawing ever nigh;

There’ll be no paddle up your creek,

Just heavy loads and water high.
(Clue #7 motherfucker sunk it)
If you’ve been wise and found the blaze,
(Wtf blaze?)
Look quickly down, your quest to cease

But tarry scant with marvel gaze,

Just take the chest and go in peace.

So why is it that I must go

And leave my trove for all to seek?

The answers I already know

I’ve done it tired, and now I’m weak

So hear me all and listen good,

Your effort will be worth the cold.
(When and where will it be cold?)
If you are brave and in the wood
(This guy is talking in code)
I give you title to the gold.

Happy hunting!”

Fuck you happy hunting.

Next post about Fenn’s treasure will include starting location, itinerary, list of necessary supplies etc. I’m fucking pumped to find some treasure, and become a millionaire over night, I figure this treasure will fund my other expeditions. D.