If This Clown Terrorizing Staten Island Is Stabbed In The Neck With A Knife, It’s His Own Fault
By Nicholas Rizzi
STATEN ISLAND — A mysterious clown has been roaming the streets of Staten Island and freaking out local residents.
Staten Islanders have been posting pictures and videos on social media of a person dressed up like a clown wearing a yellow outfit, red shoes and a mask while holding balloons and waving to the cameras, the Staten Island Advance reported.
The clown has been spotted at night near the Richmond Valley and Grasmere train stations and in front of a Chinese restaurant during the day on Richmond Avenue, according to the Advance and online posts.
“I wish I was joking dude, it scared the heck out of me,” Michael Levy posted on his Instagram photo of the clown behind a tree at night. “I thought it was like some dummy or cardboard standup thing at first until he pointed at me.”
Others were just as terrified.
“I just got freaked out coming home from the studio in Tottenville,” musician Vin Innocente posted on Instagram, with a picture of the clown waving in front of a detour sign.
Hey, first of all.. there’s almost nothing scarier than a clown.. I don’t have a clown phobia.. like I can stand them because I’m incredibly brave.. but I still have to admit clowns are scary. Is it because they’re generally psychopaths? Sad men wearing masks, pretending to be happy? Probably.
Have you seen IT, I have. Nope, not about that life.
All that being said.. I think killing the Staten Island Clown is 100% fair game here. Some might even argue self-defense, regardless of whether or not he attacks you. That’s the chance you take when you dress up like a clown and hit the streets of Staten Island.
I see this clown in my headlights, and there is a 0% chance I don’t gun it to 88 and throw him over the hood of my car. Make sure he’s dead.. because clowns are infinitely scarier in the dark.. so fuck that.
Hey fuck you, clown, and fuck your balloon too.
Listen here.. if you’re going to hide in the dark and try to scare people.. I’m going to hide in the dark, and silently stalk you, we’ll see who get’s the last laugh, you sick fuck.
I’m serious, if the next story’s titled “Vigilante Takes Out Creepy Staten Island Clown With Crossbow, Awarded Key To The City”, I’ll be seriously surprised.