Malaysian Flight MH370: Crowdsourcing Satellite Images To Find Plane, Death Rays And Other Conspiracy Theories

Oh man, it looks like my day has come. I have long regarded myself as a Grade-A detective. I find my wallet everyday using deductive reasoning, combing through pants pockets, bags, laundry, couch cushions. I have a 100% success rate in every wallet search or phone disappearance. I have a foolproof process, and the eye of a goddamn hawk, 20/20 vision for sure. So the fact that they’re putting the search in my hands, is perfect. You need help finding flight MH370? I’m your fucking man, no two ways around it.

We’re talking international hero here. And if the 239 people are alive.. I can’t even contemplate.. probably end up dating a Hollywood babe.. maybe we even start talking about a Lifetime movie. I don’t want to get my hopes though, because who knows what stardom lies ahead.

First, before we start combing through these satellite images, we have to look at all the theories…

Theory I: Flight MH370 went off course, turned around, and plunged into the ocean near island Pulau Parek.

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Theory II: MH370 entered time and space portal mid-flight. Do you believe in magic? I won’t rule out the supernatural.. that’s what this story has turned into.

Theory III: Hit by a meteor.. there was a meteor in the immediate area.. what are the odds the plane and the meteor crossed paths?

Theory IV: Terrorists turned off homing devices, and landed it somewhere safely. Not buying it. Not one bit.

Theory V: Alien Abduction. I can’t rule this one out.. how else do you explain not being able to find any evidence of the plane.


Theory VI: The plane never existed. I made this one up because I’m starting to think this is all a hoax.

Theory VII: Advanced Military Weapons. Some sort of a disintegration device.  Ask ex-Governor, Navy Seal, and fighter Jesse Ventura about government death rays. After reviewing the video. This is the only viable answer to me.

Death Rays can “completely destroy matter, and make it anti-matter.”

There are many more theories but the rest pretty much suck.

Let the search begin!

For more in-depth theories