I’m Calling Bullshit On This Guy “Coolsexguy420boner” Who Says He Dated Kate Upton In High School

kateuptonguy

BUZZFEED – He says he dated her for a few months in 2007 while they were both in the 9th grade (aged 14 to 15) at the Holy Trinity Episcopal Academy, in Melbourne, Florida. She was, he says, the first girl he kissed and he claims to have loads more pictures saved on his MySpace and will post them if he can remember his password.

BuzzFeed has contacted him to ask for any more proof of this. All we know right now is that this is definitely a picture of Kate Upton and… someone, who may or may not be coolsexguy420boner.

Alright coolsexguy420boner, I will give you this.. A++ in the username game here.  I didn’t want to like you.. but I do.  Sometimes I use “coolguy93” as a username.. I thought it was great username, light, funny.. but apparently I had no idea what I was doing.  This guy has it all “cool” “sex” “guy” “420” and boners. Literally covers it all in the most graceful way possible.

But let’s be serious for a moment.. are we really pulling the old “I have more pictures on MySpace, but I can’t remember my password” card?  Nope, not buying it, bro.. all you need to remember is your URL.  I remember mine like I was using MySpace yesterday myspace.com/drs_coolio.  Or at least you can remember the email you used, reset the old password and BOOM pics with Kate Upton.  But if you’re going to show me a poorly cropped photo of you and Kate Upton, and say “Hey guys, look, I dated Kate Upton when we were 15” and expect me to believe you and give you a high five, you’re wrong sir.  I need a cellphone vid of a Kate Upton handjob, or at the very least a picture of you guys kissing.

And if I dated Kate Upton before sex was a common thing to do.. I think I would hate myself right now.

Also, coolsexguy420boner, I don’t care how funny or cute your personality was, if you were a nice guy.. Kate dates stud athletes, not young Paul McCartney look-a-likes with retainers.  Debunked.. I feel like you can say whatever you want on Reddit and people will take you seriously.

Can we just all agree that Kate Upton is the hottest model in the game right now..

She’s on the back cover of this month’s issue.

Wow.
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