This Buzzfeed List About Having The Perfect Roommate Might Be For Chicks.. But I’d Be Lying If I Didn’t Giggle At Some Of The Points

This is 100% a chick list.. like the kind that girls send to their roommates on facebook with a message that says “4ever and always bae” then they both laugh and say how perfect it is, and how each and every one applies to their roommate relationship.  I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t giggle like a school girl at some of these and I will be GODDAMNED if this list doesn’t apply to me and my roommates.  I’m looking at you Ryan.  For those who don’t know Ryan, we met at college orientation.. so we’ve shared the entire college experience together..  We roomed together freshman year, and then after a lot of thought we decided we should take it to the next level.. and I don’t know.. Move into an apartment together.. I know I know it’s adorable. Here’s a quick photo montage:

Now here’s Buzzfeed’s list with some color commentary:

1. You feel absolutely no pressure to be fully clothed and presentable. Ever.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
Never ever.  My signature move is meat spin after a shower.. I know nobody wants to see it but I feel absolutely no pressure to not do it.  Aside from that boxers all day is a luxury I haven’t been able to enjoy in a long time definitely acceptable attire.

2. And you never feel any FOMO for choosing a night in over a night out.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
Fox / Via
Ok I’m going to be real honest right now and just say that I have no idea what “FOMO” means.. I’m too proud to look it’s meaning up.  Anyway.. I’d have to agree, but our nights out together are by far the best nights of my life.. I think that can be said for anyone roommates that like each other.

3. You often find yourselves up unreasonably late for no reason, because you were having too much fun to go to sleep.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
The CW / Via
If by “having too much fun to go to sleep” you mean waiting for the other person to fall asleep so you can masturbate.. then yes we often find ourselves up unreasonably late.

4. But waking up is still easy because you wake up to party time, part two.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
Disney / Via
It’s always party time.  A wise woman once said “Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of jack.”

5. No matter how teeny-tiny or run-down your apartment is, you don’t mind, because you suffer together.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
There have been time when it looks like a tornado has gone through our room, but we’ve always acted like we’ve been there before and taken care of it without a word.  Let me paint you a picture.. we wake up.. the speakers are in the middle of the room, on a desk that’s upside down, an entire tin of tobacco all over the ground.. clothes everywhere.. liquids the whole 9.  Business as usual.

6. When your roomie goes out of town, you enjoy the freedom for five seconds…

When Ryan went out of town I pushed the beds together and made me a funk bed. Rearranged the whole room into my own kingdom.  The people next door said they heard me say “I’m the master of this domain!” Pretty audibly then laugh for a few seconds.

And then you miss them irrationally.

I absolutely miss my roomie when he goes away.. he’s my wingman, my partner in crime.  I miss dipping and listening to country with him.

7. Even the most boring chores are doable if done with the right person.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
Fox / Via
This one is fucking dumb.  You think we ever do thorough cleaning?  Grow up.

8. And cooking together is always an adventure.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
Just fist beating eggs.  Just fist beating the shit out of them.. I just can’t believe I’ve been using a fork to beat eggs like a goddamn Simple Simon.  Such a fucking commoner.  I’ll fist beat my eggs from this day forth.

9. You’re totally comfortable yelling at each other when one of you drops the ball on housework.

If by “yelling” you mean that we leave passive aggressive signs around the house.. then yes this one is 100%.

10. Which means there’s no need for any passive-aggressive roommate BS.


11. You motivate each other to reach your goals and stick to your resolutions.


12. You are mostly welcome to each other’s wardrobes, which means twice the options every day.

Yeah, I know #12 sounds like it’s aimed directly at the ladies… but Friday’s, for me, become “Which one of Ryan’s shirts am I going to wear” day.  I mean most of my facebook pictures have a Ryan shirt in them.

13. And when you do try out wacky outfits, you have someone around whose feedback you can trust.

It’s ridiculous, whatever I wear, I get ridiculed.   

14. Which goes doubly for when you’re making major life decisions.

Haha.. I walk through life with the “it’ll work itself out” mantra.  I’m only met with “Bro, that’s a terrible idea.

15. You’re always super-duper safe because there’s someone checking up on you when you’re out late.

 #15 is strictly for chicks.. we don’t check up on each other.. we’re grown men.

16. And if you ever get home in a less-than-perfect state, there’s someone happy to take care of you.

I’m a big boy.. 6 foot 2 inches, 210 pounds… I can’t tell you how many times these guys have had to fireman carry me home and drag me to bed.  I’ve never woken up in some ditch somewhere being buttfucked by a meth head… I owe them my life for that.

17. All you need to feel like you’re in heaven is a cheesy movie and some takeout.

Alright #17 is for chicks.. cheesy movie? Nope.. action, thriller, will ferrell comedy I’m down.

18. You can ask each other your dumbest questions without fear of judgment.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
I want you to ask yourself which is the front of your hand, and which is the back? That is not a stupid question.. not a stupid one at all.  I’m serious.  I just thought about it, internal debate.  I’m like ok.. you back hand someone.. that must be the back.. but what’s the point of reference.. who decided which was the front and the back?

19. And you can share your non-politically correct, inappropriate thoughts and still be 100% accepted.

Very, very true.

20. You find special joy in sharing the most intimate details of your life.

Mine are far more “intimate” I don’t know how it’s put up with.

21. You never ever get sick of analyzing text messages/FB updates/Instagram captions together, to unearth their hidden meaning.

Nope.. this one’s a girl one too

22. You value each other’s decor choices, so your living room is a hilarious mix-and-match.

You value each other's decor choices, so your living room is a hilarious mix-and-match.

I’m a leopard print guy.  or tiger.

23. They know how to make themselves scarce when necessary, no questions asked.

All we have to do is say the magic word.. there’s a nod.. or a no.. usually a nod and the rooms yours.  For activities and stuff.
The rest of these points don’t need comment…

24. Crying = totally permissible.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate

25. Not only do you allow each other to watch deplorable TV…you do it together.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
ABC / Via

26. Their friends become your friends, so you have twice the friends.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
I hate Friends.

27. And, the No. 1 sign that you have the perfect roommate is: You’re always thrilled to go home.

27 Signs You've Found The Perfect Roommate
Jennifer Aniston was the only good part of that show.  She’s still got it too!