You Need A Sick Day, And I’ll Lead You To The Promise Land (How To Work Your Way To A Sick Day)

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Alright so at this point we all have obligations, work, class, whatever it may be.. so it takes some convincing to get yourself a sick day.  At this point I’ve nailed the sick day call out:

1) Timing. You want to call 3 hours before at the very least, and never last minute.  Last minute says “I don’t feel like going in to work.” Plus it doesn’t give them enough time to frantically scramble

2) Location. You should be in bed.. in fact the first words that come out of your mouth after you wake up should be the first words in the phone call to your manager, that’s when you sound the worst.

3) Excuse. Alright you have three options here:

3a. Family Emergency, but no family member in the hospital stuff.  More like “My little cousin is sick at school, my family needs me to pick him up and watch him for the day.” You can commit to a made up cousin.

3b. Food Poisoning.  Never say you came down with a bug.  Some employers play by the rules and will enforce that 72 hours no work period. Food poisoning is safe because you can go back to work the next day, no problem.

3c. A Home Emergency.  Here’s a good one: “There’s a problem with my home oil tank, it’s leaking and I’m afraid the bottom will burst.  The people said it’ll take them a couple of hours before they can get to me.  They said I need to watch it.”  What’s your boss going to say? “Oh you can risk having all your shit ruined by an oil flood.”  Nope.

Any other kind of excuse in unbelievable.

I couldn’t decide if I was going to go with 3b or 3c today.. but I went with food poisoning because that one is literally foolproof most of the time.  I didn’t even realize how prime today’s sick day would be either.  I have a great TV line-up, good food, and the house to myself, you know what that means..

What’s on TV?:

Men’s Olympic Hockey (fucking fantastic)

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Marathon (what a treat)

Blood Diamond (One of the most underrated and not talked about Leo movies)

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (butter n sghetti, I’m 100% in)

Food:

I had to go shopping real quick because after I realized all I had was tuna.. and I had a bowl of tuna, which I’m not proud of nor was it even good.. I was like no fuck this, I’m gonna go grab some pancake mix, chocolate chips, a few bags of chips, and a frozen pizza.  BOOM

Shoulda grabbed some cups o noodles, mistakes, mistakes, mistakes.

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Why even risk it?

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