This 22 Things You Should Never Say To A Girl List Is Pretty Bogus

Hercampus.com posted a “22 Things You Should Never Say To A Girl” I love lists.. love them.  Most of these lists, especially lists aimed at men, by women, are hilarious.  This one’s funny just because it’s all day one shit (just kept some of the gifs from the hercampus.com post):

hercampus.com – Don’t say any of these phrases to a girl. In fact, don’t even think them around girls. If you do, be prepared for the wrath.

 

1.”You look really tired.”

Thanks for noticing. Yes, I am tired. Tired of people reminding me that I have bags under my eyes the size of France.

If you don’t know that you’re not allowed to tell a woman she looks tired.. then you’re an idiot.

 

2. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

Well, how am I supposed to take it now?

Is this sort of like “with all due respect…”

 

 

3. “You remind me of my mom.”

Isn’t your mom 50?

First of all why would you ever tell any girl this…. I don’t understand…

 

4. “Are you on your period?”

No, but I might as well be now, because after that comment I’m about to stab you.

I’ve asked this question before.. I know it’s not acceptable to ask this question.. but you know what else isn’t acceptable? Acting like a bitch for no reason.

 

5. “Are you wearing that?”

Well, I was going to… until you said that. Congrats, now you have to wait two more hours while I find another outfit that you’re probably going to hate.

Look I’m not afraid to ask this question, because if we’re going out together, your choices are reflecting on me.  If we’re going to a cookout and you’re wearing a tight little skimpy skirt and fucking heels… I’m going to say “Babe, sundress.. come on babe.” I think I just described mentally insane.  I’m going to speak up if you “Have clothes like a fucking dick head.” -Kenny Powers

 

6. “You might be able to fit into this.”

Might? What exactly do you mean by might?

I don’t care how small or large the item is, the topic of size is off limits unless you’re talking about boobies.. and even then it’s unwelcome most of the time. 

 

7. “Your sister is so hot!”

Wow, that’s a really endearing way to tell me that I got screwed in the gene pool.

If your sister is hot, I’m going to say something.

 

8.  “You have a really pretty face.”

Just my face? What, you made it past my neck and decided that the rest of me was hideous?

Look I don’t understand this one, chicks either hate complements.. or love them.. “You have a pretty face.” That’s a good thing.

 

9. “Your hair looks way better (shorter, darker, longer, up, etc.).”

That’s funny, I don’t remember asking for your opinion…

Look, I might say “Babe, I love your hair that way.. so sexy. Don’t ever change it.” If they take it as if I said “Babe your hair looks better now” then so be it, that’s their problem.

 

10. “You’re still hungry?”

You know what? Yes, I am. And I am going to inhale this entire Footlong and not feel bad about it.

I inhale entire Footlongs on the reg.  Love Subway. Everyone’s like “you like subway…? they jip you on the meat.” Guys Subway is so fucking consistent, I enjoy every sandwich.  $5 something for a sub is phenomenal.. but that is neither here nor there.  Don’t talk to a girl about how much food she’s consumed.  Just know ladies that if you tackle 3 times as much food as I generally eat.. you are a savage.. and I’m seriously considering “losing your number” 

 

11. “Why are you freaking out?”

Freaking out?? Do you really want to see me freak out?!

If you’re freaking out.. I’m going to tell you that you’re freaking out.. call it like I sees it.

 

12. “Didn’t you wear that last week?”

Yeah… what are you going to do about it?

I’ll wear the same jeans for three days if I want to.. so it’s not like I care.. but what I don’t understand is how this one made the list.. like do you really care if I call you out?

 

13. “You ask a lot of questions.”

Maybe if you learned how to answer them correctly in the first place I wouldn’t have to ask so frickin’ many.

Nope. Some of you ask way too many questions.  I’m happy to answer questions, but if you hit me with the spanish inquisition, I’m gonna stop you right in your tracks.

 

14. “I don’t know if I trust your cooking.”

Fine. Then don’t eat it. More for me.

You have to be an asshole to say something like that. Don’t be an asshole.

 

15. “It’s not you; it’s me.”

Yeah, okay. Good one.

Haha I wish this wasn’t so cliche, I would use it all the time.

 

16. “Is that your real hair?”

That’s for me to know and for you to never find out.

Ok this one isn’t fair.. I didn’t know what a weave was two months ago.. I honestly thought all girls had real hair.. well guess what? I feel like I was lied to.. girls can say “We didn’t lie to you Sam, you never asked, we never told.” Well that is stupid.  Remember when you got mad at me when I didn’t tell you about that time I hooked up with that girl, because you never asked.  Same thing. Grow some real hair.

 

17. “Don’t be mad; I was just kidding!”

That was really funny. Like, super funny.

I don’t even know why this is on the list. Weak. 

 

18. “Are you sick?”

Yes, and I’m contagious. So don’t piss me off.

Look it is your responsibility to notify us if you are sick so we do not also become sick.  Do you’re part, and I won’t ever ask “Are you sick?”

 

19. “You’re crazy.”

If I am in fact crazy, wouldn’t it be a terrible idea to tell me that I’m crazy?

How about “You’re crazy sexy.”

 

20. “You have a lot of feelings.”

Since when is that illegal?

I have few feelings.. so even just an average amount of feelings will overpower me.  I don’t know when you would ever have a chance to say something like that though.. maybe you’d have a chance at somepoint to say something like “you care too much” but chicks probably hate that too.

 

21. “Calm down.”

I. Am. Calm. But you’re making it extremely difficult for me to stay that way.

If we’re fighting, I am 1000% going for the kill shot with a little “calm down” action.  Count on it.

 

22. “How much do you weigh?”

Day one shit, really.  

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