Alright, Well Eli The Ape Picked The Seahawks And He’s Also On A 6-Super Bowl Streak
(look at him, he looks so fucking dumb, what an idiot.)
AP Photo/Hogle ZooEli, an ape from Utah, picked the Seattle Seahawks to win the Super Bowl on Thursday. He has correctly picked the Super Bowl winner for six straight years.
SALT LAKE CITY — A Utah ape that has correctly picked the Super Bowl winner for six straight years predicted Thursday that the Seattle Seahawks will be the next NFL champion.
“He made his pick without any hesitation,” Hansen said.
That could mean bad news for Broncos fans. The 13-year-old primate hasn’t been wrong since 2006.
Last year, Eli charged out and knocked over a papier-mache goal post decorated with the Ravens logo. Sure enough, the Ravens beat the 49ers 34-31.
Eli’s pick this year drew mixed reactions from his team of zookeepers that include avid Broncos fans.
“They are hoping that this is his first wrong year,” Hansen said.
After he made his prognostication, Eli was joined by his mate, Eve, and daughter, Acara, and allowed to smash, play and eat the papier-mache helmets.
Hansen said interest and excitement about Eli’s Super Bowl pick has increased as his streak grows. This year, people have been asking daily when he’s making his pick.
“He’s better than the Vegas odds-makers,” Hansen said.
Here’s my conclusion. To make this all a little more interesting I think Eli and Buffett should have a battle royal, to the death obviously. It’ll be held in the Hunger Games Catching Fire Arena, totally realistic.. a little jungle, a lot of water, very neutral location. I’m sure Buffett’ll have a chance, maybe establish a beach-head, construct some breathing apparatus with kelp, and hunt Eli the Ape and his family aggressively. I’m sticking with Buffett. Eli just looks like a fucking idiot. Broncos still a lock.