I Thought Bron Bron Was The King Of The Fuckboys.. I Was Wrong, Kim Jong-un Is


Shocking new details have been revealed about the execution of Jang Song-thaek, Kim Jong Un’s uncle.

The New York Times reports that the Jang’s death was the end result of a brutal gun battle between Jang supporters and those of the regime over who controlled key land.

As the Times tells it, Kim’s forces were ordered to take back control over important fishing grounds that Jang had previously seized, but Jang wouldn’t give it up without a fight. The battle ended in the death of many of Kim’s soldiers. Kim was furious and ordered that Jang’s top aides be executed.

According to the Times, the two men were killed with antiaircraft machine guns rather than regular guns or rifles.

Yomiuri Shimbun, a Japanese newspaper, reported that Kim was “very drunk” when he ordered the death of Jang’s men.

Earlier this month, Jang was executed for allegedly committing treason. Jang’s death came as a shock to many who believed he was a close confidant to Kim. Jang was accused of corruption and substance abuse, among other crimes that could not be verified by Western media.

Here I am thinking Bron Bron is at the top of my Fuckboys List.. but he’s been dethroned.  North Korea’s round faced leader Kim Jong-un is the supreme leader of the fuckboys just recording incredible golf scores, making his birthday a national holiday, and drunkenly ordering executions by anti-aircraft guns.  Wait what?  When I get too drunk I usually yell at a girlfriend or wake up on someones couch with no recollection of the night before and bruises I can’t explain.  This guy gets drunk and just carries out gruesome executions.  Big drinker, never admits defeat.

I know that having him Kim as 1 and Bron as 2 on my Fuckboys list is kind of hard to understand, one is a fearless leader of North Korea and at the helm of the world’s most unstable nuclear programs, while the other is a professional basketball player… but here are a few similarities between the two and why they’d be matched on Gaydating.match.com:

1) They both love the NBA… It’s said that Kim Jong-un is obsessed with the NBA (The Lakers in particular)

2) They both have a NIKE fetish

3) They both have receding hairlines.. Jong-un is scared of the barber shop.